My Husband Wants a Divorce – Examine Your Role in Your Marriage through Six Questions

My husband wishes for a divorce”; that is a hard fact you have to accept regardless of whether you like it or not. Yet, it doesn’t have to ended that way. Here’s six questions you should consider to help you save your crumbling marriage.

Before the darkness of the night puts her into pensive mood, she looks at the ring around her finger. It was right there at the porch where he proposed to her. No, it wasnt like the movies. He brought nothing else to make the ambiance more romantic but still, she found it the sweetest thing he had done for her. But as she stares at the ring again, a teardrop falls onto her hand. Theyve had big fights recently. Musing on his gestures, justifications and preferences, she concludes, “My husband wants a divorce.”

Giving in to separation seems to be the easiest way out. But a wife who values the sacrament of matrimony will ask herself how she can satisfy her husband in different ways. In evaluating her role in their union, she must answer the questions stated below.

Do you thank him for addressing your familys needs?

Mens role in our society centers on providing for their families. Centuries ago, they go hunting in the forest and bring food for their families. Presently, with our gender fair programs, it may not be as emphasized as before but still, they would like to attain that feeling of accomplishment and pride for attending to the needs of his loved ones.

Do you give him enough silence?

Women tend to talk much more than men. When they are strained, confused or contemplative, they need minutes to think by themselves. Though this makes them difficult to figure out, they consider the quiet time golden. If he doesnt feel like chatting, dont force him. Though he isnt verbally communicating, he is still thinking.

Do you directly say what you want?

Another difference between men and women is how they convey their message. The former are straightforward while the latter beat around the bush. This unlikeness causes serious arguments and worse, it makes some wives say, “My husband wants a divorce.” Refrain from making long introductions or from letting him read between the lines always. Cut your introductions short and dont let him decipher your coded words. As much as you can, dont be ambiguous. You can still do it with tact.

Do you sometimes make the first move in lovemaking?

Lets face the fact that sex is important for men. Women who are boring in bed disappoint them. If you are too tired to make love, all you have to do is explain and be understood. Moreover, men dont want to be in the driving seat always. They want their partners to do their share of first moves as well. By the way, men love sexy underwear.

Do you let him hang out with his friends?

Like women, men need the company of friends. Talking about sports, cars, art and current events over some bottles of booze makes them realize there is a world outside their home. Dont get easily jealous with the time he spends with his friends. Otherwise, hell think you want to control his life.

Collaborative Divorce — breaking up doesn’t have to mean breaking the bank

The collaborative process, started by Minneapolis family lawyer Stuart Webb in 1990, provides alternative dispute resolution using a team of professionals working jointly for the couple, rather than in adversarial roles. It is just now hitting the radar screen in Illinois, where practitioners estimate that about 300 divorces have been handled this way in the last several years. The state averages about 35,000 divorces a year, records show.

Both parties agree not to enter litigation. Couples often hire attorneys trained in collaborative law and bring in shared accountants, financial planners, business valuation experts, child psychologists and even life coaches to help the couple. Unlike impartial mediators, the attorneys can advise their clients as advocates.

Proponents say it dramatically cuts the tension–and the costs–involved in traditional contested divorces.

There are skeptics, however. Among the critics are those who say the peacefulness of the process encourages divorce and attorneys who say the best representation for any divorcing spouse is a vigorous offense.

Participants in a collaborative divorce sign documents promising to disclose all assets, and their attorneys agree to walk away from the case if the parties end up going to trial.

An average contested divorce can run about $30,000, but it’s not uncommon for some to reach six figures, attorneys say.

Collaborative costs vary widely, depending on the number of professionals involved and the number of meetings it takes for spouses to agree on a settlement. Collaborative attorneys estimate that most of these cases settle for half to a third of what their bill would have been with a court battle. Settlements must be reviewed and approved by a judge.

Costs ranged from $5,000 to $21,000, representing as high as 15 percent of annual household income.

Even friendly divorces come with costs that reach beyond the courtroom, however, and women especially tend to feel the strain. Divorce Magazine reported the drop in standard of living for women after divorce was 45 percent in 2000. About 20 percent of people filing personal bankruptcy had been recently divorced, according to Harvard University law professor Elizabeth Warren, who has studied families in dire financial straits since 1986 and who is considered one of the leading national authorities on bankruptcies.

Your staff: In addition to consulting attorneys, divorcing couples are turning to specialized financial planners to run living cost estimates, decide the value of family businesses and prepare investment return projections on proposed settlements.

Typically these are accountants, certified financial planners or other financial advisers who offer a specialized divorce practice. Someone who has a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst designation has also taken a self-study course and completed four exams related to divorce finances, but be sure to inquire what other credentials he or she has. Training is done through the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts in Southfield, Mich. (800-875-1760).

If you’ll need help valuing assets or a business, or suspect your future ex may be hiding money you also may need to contact a forensic accountant.

If you are the primary breadwinner but are considering a lower-paying job as you go through the divorce transition years, tread carefully. Some judges will require you to maintain your family’s previous standard of living. A judge may rule you’re more than capable of a high earning power and decide to award less alimony.

Your portfolio: If you think you’ll have to draw down some retirement money to cover expenses in the first few years of divorce, do it sooner rather than later, this way you can take a distribution at the time of divorce without a penalty,

Your tax return: Be sure to consider the tax consequences of your divorce settlement. The more money a primary breadwinner doles out as alimony instead of child support, the more he or she can deduct from income, experts say. The spouse receiving the alimony will have to pay income taxes on the money, but usually it will be at a lower tax bracket. Child support, on the other hand, isn’t deductible from income.

The Real World of Alimony (Spousal Maintenance) Under Washington State Divorce Law

Washington Divorce law views spousal maintenance on the basis of what is called the “economic partnership model”. However, it usually focuses on the length of the marriage. If the marriage is less than five years you very rarely get maintenance.

The only time I see maintenance/alimony awarded in marriages less than five years is where one party is unemployed or would end up on the street if their partner just left them. Even in those cases, the awarded at temporary orders reads something like: “The [husband/wife] shall pay to the wife maintenance in an amount of $500 for six months or until the wife secures full-time employment. If full-time employment has not been found in 6 months the [husband/wife] may petition the court for an extension but only for good cause shown.” I have written orders like that many many times. At the temporary orders stage the judge or commissioner makes his or her ruling and says “Counsel, Write up the Orders”. Tradition has it that the primarily prevailing party draws them up; although sometimes a lawyer much older than you will assume that he or she will do the honors. We then often times have to go back in and argue over them. But that is usually if the attorneys either don’t know each other or one is inexperienced. As lawyers we also sit in the back of the courtroom and wait for our case to be called. During that time we talk with other attorneys about their cases or watch how the judges and commissioners decide other cases in Family Court.

On the other hand marriages longer than 20 years almost always do involve some form of maintenance, or “evening out” of the income and assets over time. The goal of the Court in such long-term marriages is mainly to maintain the partys financial standing at the same level for a considerable time after the marriage.

Spousal maintenance in Washington has traditionally been defined by an oft-quoted (and legally cited) bar journal article by Judge Windsor. It has been cited in many Washington divorce Supreme court cases.

Recently, there has been discussion regarding a new metaphor. A recent (2006) Washington State Bar Journal article discusses the subject. Maintenance can be highly discretionary and the cases I have dealt with on appeal have been difficult to overturn. That is basically the general consensus: the Judge or Commissioner must have really, really screwed up before they overturn it. Yes, you are thinking the right thing: it is very important to win at the lower levels. Don’t sit back and comfort yourself that “If they make the wrong decision I can just appeal.” This is not tax or corporate law. There are fewer analytical rules to follow. And this is alimony in the real world.

Contested Divorce in Thailand Ending a Marriage under Thai Law

Under section 1501 of the Thai Commercial and Civil Code a marriage in Thailand can be terminated by one of three different methods.

1. Death of a spouse
2. Cancellation by Court
3. Divorce

1. Death
The death of one of spouse is easy to understand.

2. Cancellation By Court
Approaching the Court in Thailand to cancel a marriage is not frequently brought into being. It is only in special cases with extremely good reason that the Court can be approached to cancel a marriage. This is eligible in circumstances where the plaintiff becomes aware of facts or factors relating to the marriage or the defendant that he or she was not aware of before the marriage. The facts or factors need to be of such nature that the plaintive would not get married if he or she were aware of these particulars before the marriage.

When the Court cancel a marriage it is not regarded as a divorce and it is considered that the marriage never took place.

3. Divorce
According to Thai Law, there is no differentiation between Thai nationals and foreign persons. Not considering a persons nationality, under Thailand Law, all inhabitants are acted towards in the same way.

Two forms of divorce can be obtained in Thailand:
1. Contested divorce
2. Uncontested divorce

Contested Divorce
A contested divorce can be requested by one of the parties for one or more of the following reasons that you will found under section 1516 of the Thai Commercial and Civil Code:
A different female is awarded status and is maintained as the wife of the husband and/or adultery is committed by one spouse
One of the two parties to the marriage has committed a crime and is found guilty or other form of misconduct.
One of the two parties have caused severe mental, emotional and or physical injury to the other party or have severely affronted the other party and or one or more of this parties family.
One of the parties to the marriage has forsaken his marriage party for a period that exceed one year.
One of the parties to the marriage has been sentenced to a prison term by Court and has been in prison for longer than a 12 month period, provided that the plaintive is not guilty of any involvement, approval or aware of the crime or misconduct of the defendant. Moreover that should the parties remain married and live together the plaintive will suffer undue harm or tribulation
Both parties, out of own accord does not live together any more for a period longer than 3 consecutive years.
One of the parties to the marriage are believed to gone astray, and or left the mutual residence for longer than three years. In addition it is not ascertainable if the person is still alive.
Be deficient in maintaining a marriage.
One of the parties has been declared to be in poor mental health for more than three consecutive years with no prospect of recovery.
One of the parties has failed to remain committed to the bond of good behavior.
One of the parties is be diagnosed with a transmissible and contagious hazardous illness which is not curable and that can result in harm to the other party.
One of the parties are affected by a physical impairment to such an effect that it is not possible to enduringly live together as husband and wife.

The Procedure for a contested Divorce:

1. A petition must be filed at the Court
2. Where claims of monetary compensation are applicable (like getting back 50% of the “common” or “marital property” called “Sin Somros” in Thai) a deposit of 2% of the value of the claim must be paid to the Court.
3. If the ruling is made in your favor, judgment can be made that the other party must pay back the deposit.
4. In the event where children were born out of the marriage, you will first have to go trough juvenile division proceedings that will provide the court with a report in this regard.
5. When parties can not agree during the negotiation session in Court, a trial date will be set.
6. The burden of proof is on the plaintiff and the plaintiff must be present during proceedings. Should the defendant do not attend, only the evidence presented by the plaintiff will be taking into consideration.
7. This process can take between 3 to 12 months in normal circumstances. That doesnt include appeals.

There are 3 main tasks that the Court will:

A) Verify is there is enough evidence about the ground. If not, the Court wont grant a divorce and it will stop.
B) If there is enough evidence to divorce, the Court will decide about the children of the couple. If there arent any children, then it goes to next step. The Court will rule according to the best interest of the children.
C) The Court will separate the common property between spouses in 50-50%. In cases where adultery is the ground, a Thai court can also allows damages to be paid if damages are claimed to the Court.

An Atlanta uncontested divorce is possible

Residents in the Atlanta area who are seeking or considering divorce may wish to consult with an Atlanta divorce lawyer. Often times, divorce can be a complicated issue and even an amicable divorce may quickly develop into a quagmire as both spouses seek to come to an agreement. However, with the assistance of an attorney, it may be possible to turn the tables and secure a favorable result.

Types of Divorce

Broadly speaking, there are two different kinds of divorce: no-fault divorce and at-fault divorce. In a no-fault divorce, there is no allegation or proof needed of fault on behalf of either party. However, specific rules apply to no-fault divorces, and a period of separation may well be required before seeking the divorce.

On the other hand, an at-fault divorce is where one party committed some act that is incompatible with marriage. The most common example is that of adultery, although grounds for an at-fault divorce may exist under any number of circumstances. To determine if it is possible to seek an at-fault divorce, a divorce lawyer in Atlanta can often help with assessing your legal options.

Uncontested Divorce

In many cases, the divorce may be the result of a mutual agreement between the spouses to dissolve the marriage. This is called an uncontested divorce, and it is often more cost effective and less stressful to go through than a confrontational divorce.

Typically, spouses are already in broad agreement about the terms of the divorce before consulting with an Atlanta divorce lawyer. An Atlanta uncontested divorce may thus be the best way to go, allowing the spouses to settle any remaining issues amicably as well as reducing any preexisting agreements to paper. If no dispute exists as to issues such as property division, child custody or spousal support, court involvement need only be minimal.

In Atlanta uncontested divorces, it is strongly advised to retain the assistance of an Atlanta divorce lawyer even the filing of an uncontested divorce may seem simple. In filing for a divorce and in writing the divorce agreement, it is important that any ambiguities be resolved before both spouses sign the applicable papers. Otherwise, they may have to return to court again in the future. Working with a divorce lawyer in Atlanta may thus be more cost effective in the long term.

Contact a lawyer today

If you are considering or seeking a divorce, it is often helpful to consult with an attorney from an Atlanta Divorce Law Firm to learn your rights and obligations. Moreover, the divorce process can often be complicated, and the judicial system has a language all its own that may seem confusing if not intimidating to those not well-versed in it. By working with an experienced attorney who has deep and extensive knowledge of divorce law, it may thus be possible to successfully navigate the court system with an aim toward securing a fair result. Moreover, in an uncontested divorce, a lawyer can help with ensuring that the resulting agreement is air-tight and will not cause legal troubles down the road.

The Characteristics to Look For in a Divorce Attorney

After all the basic proceedings and other formalities of a marital breakup, a good divorce attorney is needed. Thus, it is vital to start looking for the most excellent San Diego Divorce Lawyers as soon as possible. To find such an expert it is necessary to look for the important characteristics that one should have, in order to achieve optimistic outcome. Below are a few factors that are found in common in some of the best San Diego Divorce Attorneys.

Knowledge, Skills and Practice:

Knowledge, skills and practice, are all the 3 aspects that are always present in an experienced lawyer or attorney as it proves their capability and power of handling different types of cases. Therefore, looking for an attorney that is much more experienced with cases similar to yours will do the trick for you. Because they are much familiar of those cases and there are more chances of better case handling with such lawyers than the others. There are many lawyers who are greatly competent in spousal support cases but the same lawyers are incapable of conducting property division cases. It completely makes sense; therefore, it is vital to search for the right experts.

Competency:

There are numerous fields and subjects of a divorce case i.e. spousal support, property division, child support, enforcement orders and legal counseling, a lawyer who is trained for the most of these subjects and is an expert of handling a majority of such multifaceted cases should only be hired, as they are the only professionals who can help you attain the control of almost 100 percent of this situation. Monetary man wishes to have more of the property while the parent-side of the same person wants to support his child, if an incompetent lawyer is chosen he may be able to get you one or two of the mentioned aspects while the control to others will be completely lost.

Easy-To-Get-To:

Because such cases are one of the most delicate ones, lawyers should be very much reachable. Check by faxing, mailing, calling, and contacting them by other means. If they respond promptly then, accessibility is assured. These cases can take solid turns at any minute, about which the lawyers should be notified right away to lead the case positively; this reason defines this factor as the foremost and primary characteristic. Other than just timely response it is important to see if they are punctual with the time they give for meetings and appointments.

With all these characteristics, it is also important to see what people say about these San Diego Divorce Attorneys and Lawyers. This can be done by reading reviews online. These reviews are written by their clients who have won, lost or partially taken over their cases; they are enough to know about the lawyer’s strong and weak points and what their specialty is. This kind of research may consume a few hours but it is necessary to read several review before trusting as such cases usually do not appear more than once in a lifetime.

Custody of Children after a Divorce

Over the course of history women have been given custody of children after a divorce more often than men. This used to be seen almost as an automatic right. This has changed slightly in recent times though, with Fathers given significantly more rights when it comes to looking after children post-divorce. This applies to both custody and visitation rights if their ex-wife has been given custody. A Fathers role in the development of children is taken much more seriously than in previous times. Family Law states that Fathers have equal rights to Mothers and each decision should be made on its specific merits.

Statistics show that women get custody more than men though. What is the reason for this? It could be that there is still some bias towards women by judges, who assume that Mothers make better parents. On the other hand it could just be that Mothers tend to more often be in the position where the children living with them would be more appropriate.

After a divorce there are many factors that are taken into consideration when deciding which parent should get custody of the children. Each parents employment status can be a very important factor. If one parent works full-time and the other doesnt work at all, it may be deemed best that the children live with the parent who does not work. This is because (s)he has more time to be able to devote towards the children. This may be one reason why women gain custody more often than men; it is more common for women to be stay-at-home parents than men, although this is not as common as it once was. A decision is most likely to be based on this reason if the situation was the same when the couple were married, and this parent has spent more time with their children as a consequence. The decision can in some cases be made the other way round, with the parent who does work being deemed to be in a more financially stable situation. This is not always the case because this parent will usually be required to make maintenance payments to help the other parent bring up their children.

The situation each parent finds themselves in and the stability of this situation is also important. This can depends on employment as well as other factors, such as lifestyle. If one parent has medical or psychological problems, then they may not be deemed the best parent to bring up the children. If one parent has re-married it could work either way. It may be seen as a negative to have someone else playing a part in their upbringing so soon after their parents have separated, but it could also be decided that this is a better family environment to bring children up in. A criticism of the system is that too much of the decision comes down to the opinions of a particular judge, and no matter how much Family Law stipulates what should happen, everyone has certain biases.

Andrew Marshall (c)

Divorce Mediation Where to Get Help, Advice and Do-It-Yourself Forms

Remember when …

Breaking up was easy

Okay, maybe it was never easy but it was sure easier than it is when you’ve got kids, mortgages and pension plans together!

Traditional Methods of Resolving Break-Ups:
Scenario 1

-Today, Traditional Methods of “Breaking-Up” typically mean hours and hours in Divorce Court and Tens of Thousands of Dollars in Attorneys Fees
Not to mention the Emotional Wreckage to Parents AND their children

-Outrageous Fees
Think about it – every time you have to go to court, that’s at least 2 hours of attorney time at $250 per hour
That’s $500 EACH party pays for each of 3-4 court appearances NOT including the final hearing

-But Wait – There’s More
So that’s 2 hours per court appearance times 4 court appearances = 8 hours + 8 hours for the final hearing (16 hours total)
Then, for every hour IN court there are probably 2 hours spent preparing for court (another 32 hours – that’s 48 total EACH)
$10,000+ (add to that fees paid to experts – experts about the children, about finances)

-Meanwhile …
You talk to your lawyer, who talks to the Judge, the other lawyer and the “experts”
The former “love-of-your-life” talks to their lawyer, who talks to the Judge, the other lawyer and the “experts”
The Judge, who has known you for all of a day (maybe) determines your fate and your children’s fate
Oh, and notice who aren’t talking to one another – the only two adults who aren’t being paid to be there – the only two who are ultimately responsible for the children

Scenario 2
-Do-It-Yourself Method
The forms aren’t the easiest things to fill out
If you slip up and fail to properly define something or forget to put something in the paperwork – Guess What?!?
Do Not Pass Go – Go straight back to Scenario 1(you’d be shocked how often this happens)

Is there any other way?

Yes
The Petovero Method(TM)
Divorce and Child Custody Resolutions
made easy

We use a unique process that includes mediation and that deals with all the aspects a person has to contend with when there are children, or assets, or debts involved

We focus on results while generating an environment that reduces the impact on the parties, and, perhaps more importantly, on the children

There’s an old saying: Criminal Lawyers See Bad People at their Best and Divorce Lawyers See Good People at their Worst.

We help good people invent a new life, that nurtures them and their children and facilitates the return of productivity, fun and play.
Go to petovero.com for more information

PETOVERO.COM

How Couples Could Benefit From Mediation

So often we hear about how high the rate of divorce is in both the United Kingdom and the United States. Divorces can be emotional, time consuming, and expensive affairs. More than ever, couples are being encouraged to use mediation services in order to solve their difficulties, in order to avoid all the difficulties of a divorce.

When emotions are running high and couples don’t know how they can possibly make things work anymore, divorce can seem like the only way out. Communication is the key to all good relationships and when communication breaks down, relationships tend to break down too. Mediation services are great because they teach you how to talk to each other about how you’re feeling in an open and honest fashion.

It can be difficult to talk about our feelings, even to those who are closest to us. Having difficult conversations can be uncomfortable, and sometimes we need a helping hand. Despite the fact we are arguing with our partner, we generally don’t like upsetting other people.

Conflicts between loved ones can be particularly difficult to handle because relationships are so steeped in history. Mediation is future focused, so an independent mediator will attempt to move the relationship forwards rather than allowing the couple to dwell on past events. Bringing up old arguments and past mistakes does not resolve anything and is no basis for a healthy relationship.

This is one fundamental way in which mediation and divorce differ. Divorce courts do not accept ‘irreconcilable differences’ as a valid reason for couples wanting to split up. They instead insist that fault is blamed on one of the parties involved. This is perhaps why mediation is becoming such a popular option for arguing couples. Divorce is not as simple as one person being wrong and the other right; it is infinitely more complicated than that.

If children are involved, then mediation could be useful for a couple as well. If talking about your differences doesn’t solve them, it could at least bring some civility to proceedings. If you still decide to divorce then it is best to do so in a civil manner, so the children are not left feeling anymore confused and upset than they need to be. Deciding on how often children are to be seen and who stays with who is another big issue when it comes to divorce, and it is better if this can be settled outside of the divorce courts in order to avoid as much distress as is possible.

Ultimately, divorce sometimes is the only option for some couples. However, it is certainly better to do everything in your power to attempt to reconcile the relationship outside of the court room to begin with.

Mediation in Divorce and Family Law Cases

WHAT IS MEDIATION?

In many states, mediation has gone from being an option to help resolve issues to a mandatory part of the court proceedings. That is particularly true in cases that involve divorce or custody disputes.

Mediation is called an alternative dispute resolution process. In short it provides you with an alternative to Court to create your own agreements and craft your own orders without submitting those matters to the Judge. This is often a preferred way to resolve disputes in a divorce. The alternative is to proceed to Court and allow a Judge, a complete stranger to you and your children, to hear a few short arguments and testimony and decide your fate. Often such orders may seem like pounding round pegs into square holes with out understanding fully the individual circumstances of the parties. Clearly that is in no one’s best interest and often leads to the long roller coaster ride through court with each party filing new motions year in and year out to change the rulings that the Judge has made.

By contrast, mediation teaches the parties to communicate and to work through their issues productively. In the process, the parties to work with a neutral expert to resolve their disputes in a way that works for them. A mediator is also known as a qualified neutral.

The mediator may be a lawyer, a therapist, a religious leader or other qualified individual. As part of the mediation process, the mediator will not provide either party with legal advice and, instead, will work with the parties on their communication skills to understand the other parties position.

Often mediators will encourage the parties to incorporate into the proceedings other experts to help them in the decision making process,. This may involve the use of appraisers to value a home, accountants and investment counselors to address financial aspects, or a parenting consultant to work through custody and parenting issues. By using one neutral expert, the parties may save thousand of dollars that would be spent for each party to hire their own expert only to remain at an impasse with different results.

WHAT TYPES OF DISPUTES CAN BE RESOLVED THRU MEDIATION?

Mediation can be a useful tool for almost any issue that you encounter in family court. Even the most acrimonious divorces can benefit from mediation by helping the parties resolve some, if not all of their disputes, thereby simplifying the issues to be resolved through the court process.

Mediation may resolve:

disputes between divorcing parties including custody issues, spousal maintenance and property issues;

paternity issues;

restraining order issues.

WHY SHOULD I MEDIATE?

1.Mediation is available any time both parties are willing to engage in the process, even if they are already involved in a contested court case;

2.Mediation is LESS EXPENSIVE than going to court with both parties to the dispute sharing the cost;